Fake Steve Jobs says I am a "marketing f*cktard"

January 22 2008

My goodness, Fake Steve Jobs, aka Dan Lyons, can't relate to people having fun at a conference:

Meanwhile, in the "Definition of Sad" category, check this out -- some marketing f*ckwit from Lotus is live blogging the Lotus conference. Big news like this:

   7:52 AM A shoutout to Colleen Campbell, Lotus Marketing program director, sitting next to me here in the second row while Sandra Marcus is dancing in front of me! Is this a conference or a party?!?!
I know, right?!?! It's amazing!!!!????!?!?!?! It's not even 8 in the morning and we are rockin it!?!?! We r Lotus n we r 2 kewl!?!

What really saddens me, however, is the idea that somewhere out in some forlorn sad corner of the world someone is actually following this live blog and actually cares what Lotus announces and maybe even wishes he could be there in Orlando to experience the rock concert excitement in person.

To those people I say this: I will pray for your souls.
Dear Dan Lyons -- it's ten years later, and your "decline and fall" still hasn't happened.  Ready to write that retraction, yet? Or, maybe you need to update the "Attack of the blogs!"  Can I unleash the "sickos" to defend your name-calling, Dan?

Link: Fake Steve Jobs: Oxymoron of the Week >

Ed Brill | Lotusphere 2008 Category:  Lotusphere2008  Add/View Comments [53]

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  1. 1  Charles Robinson http://cubert-codepoet.blogspot.com | 1/23/2008 12:09:14 AM

    Is Dan Lyons, in any guise, relevant any more?

  1. 2  Richard Schwartz http://www.rhs.com/poweroftheschwartz | 1/23/2008 12:37:17 AM

    @2 Unfortunately, he is relevant in much the same way that Rush Limbaugh is relevant: because they both have an audience that eats up misinformation that confirms their own prejudices, and which doesn't care to be bothered with facts or logic if it is at odds with their world view. Through FSJ, he's found a way to libel and slander at will and to spread misinformation according to his own whims and prejudices, with no consequences.

  1. 3  Dave Madison  | 1/23/2008 1:19:03 AM

    Actually, Brill being linked off FSJ makes Ed more relevant in one day than he probably ever was in a month. He should be thanking Dan for new readers.

  1. 4  Kieren Johnson  | 1/23/2008 2:22:46 AM

    Actually, he called you a "marketing f*ckwit" but I like your version better. ;)

  1. 5  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 2:39:49 AM

    @Ed - One of things I like about edbrill.com is that no anonymous comments are allowed. There's lots of reasons for that but having just read that undignified FSJ diatribe I've thought of a new one: everyone can be certain you are not having a discussion with yourself.

    I suspect that anyone who considers any of the content on FSJ to have any kind of relevance to anything here, there, or anywhere else, are simply playing with themselves. I know a word for that kind of thing.

  1. 6  Dag Kvello  | 1/23/2008 3:14:10 AM

    I think this Blog-entry pretty much explains FSJ

    { Link }

    "Keen’s apt description owes much to Penny Arcade’s famous Greater Internet F*ckwad Theory: Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total F*ckwad. (In Australian English, we would say ‘f*ckwit’ or ‘Sam and the City reader’.)"

  1. 7  Axel  | 1/23/2008 6:50:53 AM

    The wording is heavily from Hani Suleiman of bileblog fame.

    Though there were times in my perception of the life-cicle of the product I have been able to understand those feelings, today I would say that this guy is clearly still on 28.8 baud dial-up.

  1. 8  Elf http://www.elfworld.org | 1/23/2008 7:28:04 AM

    I visited the FSJ blog for the first time today via this blog posting, but my impression is that it's a satirical blog that pokes fun at people, hype and trends. Aren't we takin this a whee bit serious?

    Ok, so he was wrong about Lotus in an article he wrote a decade ago, but when I was working with Notes/Domino back then, no one, absolutely no one, believed in Lotus, and they were saying the same thing. Heck, even I hated Notes back then and cursed my boss for forcing me to work with it. Now I'm the the one running around trying to make my company see the error of its ways for wanting to get rid of Notes (we're running 6.5).

  1. 9  Kerr  | 1/23/2008 8:09:24 AM

    @8, I think satire is supposed to be funny. Knowing who is behind FSJ and how he has engaged with the Lotus community in the past shows this to be less of a comedy piece and more of thinly veiled bilious attack.

  1. 10  faddah http://www.lighthousepdx.org | 1/23/2008 8:10:52 AM

    you know, i suffered through yer gawd-awful server system at symantec corp. in the 90s. and yes, dan is right, and yes, still very relevant, truculent and hilarious (try not looking those up in the lotus notes dictionary, might crash all your servers). as to the "decline and fall," do you *really* want to beg a numbers comparison between installed microsoft exchange houses and your sorry-ass offering? even your top marketing vp would say: i don't think so.

  1. 11  Ben Poole http://benpoole.com | 1/23/2008 8:24:25 AM

    @9: a DECADE ago? Try October 2006. But you're right, no-one should be taking Dan Lyons seriously (although "faddah" appears to do so. Oh dear).

  1. 12  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 8:26:12 AM

    @8/@9 - There's a difference between satire and ouright abuse and the FSJ blog posting is the latter. To get away with that kind of language and the personalisation in the name of humour I would say someone has to be on pretty solid terms with the target and/or be prepared for reciprococity. It's a sad and ignorant man behind it. may be more appropriate to pity than scold.

    @11 - @11 - Sounds like you're still stuck in the last century. Move on and catch up. BTW, it looks like your web server has crashed in the here and now unless you made it all up. LOL.

  1. 13  Andrew Culbert  | 1/23/2008 8:28:06 AM

    @faddah-

    Are you getting so little web traffic that you have to fish for click-throughs with this tripe?

  1. 14  Dag Kvello  | 1/23/2008 8:32:39 AM

    @11 - I sat down and started to write a bunch of snide, clever insults to counter your drivel, but came to the conclusion that it would be wasted as it requires intelligence to recognize when You're being insulted.

  1. 15  Elf http://www.elfworld.org | 1/23/2008 8:58:23 AM

    @10: Ok didn't know that. I just read B. Elgorts' latest blog posting as well.

    @13: I'll agree that the f***tard comment was way off base. I write quite a bit of satire myself and I wouldn't have used the word (not sure if we have such a word in Norwegian) myself.

  1. 16  Roger Hintz  | 1/23/2008 9:47:20 AM

    To quote a certain Canadian rock band - "Quick to judge, quick to anger, and slow to understand. Ignorance, and prejudice, and fear walk hand in hand."

  1. 17  Bill Geimer  | 1/23/2008 10:11:39 AM

    @17 - Thank you Roger.

  1. 18  Charles Robinson http://cubert-codepoet.blogspot.com | 1/23/2008 10:34:51 AM

    Comments must be moderated. I've added two and neither is showing up. I know I'm not in the comment spam filters since I authenticated with my Blogger account. Oh well, I've wasted enough cycles on that. I've got video to upload to YouTube. ;-)

  1. 19    | 1/23/2008 10:58:21 AM

    Deleted

  1. 20  Ben Poole http://benpoole.com | 1/23/2008 11:06:27 AM

    @20. LOL.

    BTW, I'm not IBM and Lotus Notes is not my "product".

    Silly person.

  1. 21  J.Ho http://pleasurecooker.com/pc/ | 1/23/2008 11:17:35 AM

    Love Fake Steve Jobs! Love Ed Brill too! I spent some time working at Apple. FSJ hits the nail on the head plenty of times, and completely full of it the rest of the time. Good laughs though all around.

    May 1st I become be an IBMer. Fun!

    Ed, if someone as bright as you is a f*cktard, what does that make me?

  1. 22  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 11:37:43 AM

    @20 - There's a difference between theories and lies. You've cited 2 different web addresses when you don't need any to comment here so at least one of those is a lie. Do you know what that makes you?

    Delighted not to know you 8-D

  1. 23    | 1/23/2008 11:52:21 AM

    Deleted

  1. 24  DrFierce  | 1/23/2008 12:07:41 PM

    @20 - faddah --

    Your troll-fu is week. Your master has failed.

    With regards to FSJ... It's a free world and freedom of expression is the most important thing. It lets some people, at one end of the spectrum, write great works that provide amazing insight and help move humanity forward and at the other end, there is FSJ. 'nuff said.

    I will just continue to use Notes and have fun will all my friends here at Lotusphere who see how great it is and look forward to being here next year with even more people who will discover or rediscover it and see how great it is.

  1. 25  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 12:11:31 PM

    @24 - the only thing you are messing with is your own head, son. You've now told lies at least twice; once more and we can draw a straight line to a conclusion without anyone needing to post back to make it.

    Silly boy.

  1. 26  Dag Kvello  | 1/23/2008 12:22:51 PM

    @25 - I think the wording here should be "It lets some people, at one end of the rectum..." in the case of faddah

  1. 27  htown  | 1/23/2008 12:47:57 PM

    @24

    { Link }

    well just too many things to make fun of you for!

  1. 28  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 12:58:03 PM

    @27 - Ha Ha Ha Ha. Great find! Nah. Better than that 8-D

  1. 29  Brian Benz http://www.softwaresoapbox.com | 1/23/2008 1:11:59 PM

    Interesting, he says nothing when uberfamous bloggers like Scoble or Winer liveblog a Microsoft or Apple event, like this one last week: { Link }

    Looks like IBM isn't paying him enough....

  1. 30  DrFierce  | 1/23/2008 1:27:35 PM

    @25 -- Ian Scott

    What lies have I told?

    Granted, I meant to write "weak" and not "week", but as far as I know, a typo doesn't constitute a lie, like Faddah's comments don't constitute intelligent discussion.

  1. 31  htown  | 1/23/2008 1:29:54 PM

    @30 i think like myself he misnumbered the @24, meant @23

  1. 32  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 1:53:02 PM

    DrFierce - Looks like Ed may be have renumbered the comments. One of my other comments is now referring to Ben @20 and indeed Ben there is now referencing himself there - as are you @24 too.

    Having followed that belter of a link @27 it seems clear that something like Notes could make someone with so few friends as that somewhat angry. Enjoy the rest of Lotusphere. You must have 1000's of friends there 8-)

  1. 33  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 2:14:24 PM

    I think the comment currently @10 used to be @11 and everything after that has shifted. If I'm wrong it wouldn't be the first time I've made a typo but apologies if I have.

  1. 34  Ian Scott  | 1/23/2008 2:34:47 PM

    Still trying to clear up the numbering confusion: I think Elf @8 posted the same comment twice (ie @9 as well) but that one of them has since been removed.

  1. 35  DrFierce  | 1/23/2008 3:48:03 PM

    Ian and htown: It's fine. Thanks for clarifying that. :o)

  1. 36  Mike Brown  | 1/23/2008 5:04:13 PM

    I think the post from "Nigel" is the best response there. I mean

    "you're a f***ing c**t"

    says it all. Well, it did for "Nigel", anyway: that's his entire post!

    Cheers,

    - Mike

  1. 37  Ben  | 1/23/2008 11:51:11 PM

    FSJ is a bit over the top at times, but he's also funny and accurate on occaision too.

    I've been a Notes Dev for 6 years and in that time I can't recall once having an end user tell me how much they loved using it. In fact, the vast majority treat it like a burden they are required to bear.

    Notes (yes, even 8) isn't around because its UI is awe inspiring - it's around because it provides solid business benefits. It's not sexy software, it doesn't make people love it.

    Despite all that I've yet to find anything that comes close in terms of an extensable collaboration platform.

    Ben

  1. 38  Dave Madison  | 1/24/2008 12:16:31 AM

    @37 "I've been a Notes Dev for 6 years and in that time I can't recall once having an end user tell me how much they loved using it. In fact, the vast majority treat it like a burden they are required to bear."

    If I didn't know better, I would think you were an IRS tax lawyer describing the IRS

  1. 39  Charles Robinson http://cubert-codepoet.blogspot.com | 1/24/2008 12:34:24 AM

    @37 - I've been a Notes dev for 9 years, and my users have never once complained about the UI of any Notes app. The overwhelming array of toolbar buttons and the crazy layout of menus, yes, but they've never complained about Notes APPS (other than mail.. a little). Notes apps can be sexy and every bit as slick as any fully-buzzword-compliant web site. Maybe you need to see what is possible in Notes so you can update your design techniques. :-)

  1. 40  Greg Walrath  | 1/24/2008 10:47:32 AM

    Too bad this happened during Lotusphere - certain blog community folks could have come to the event this week with "Marking F***wit" buttons to replace the Sicko buttons from a couple of years ago.

  1. 41  Ed Brill http://www.edbrill.com | 1/24/2008 1:32:45 PM

    @40 I -almost- used it as my introduction for my session yesterday, but I did not think it appropriate for the recorded, live on in perpetuity version of the session.

  1. 42  Ed Brill http://www.edbrill.com | 1/24/2008 9:20:32 PM

    @3 as of Wednesday (two days' worth of stats), only 327 referrers have come in via fakesteve.blogspot.com. Maybe it is Lyons who isn't relevant.

  1. 43  Graham Dodge  | 1/24/2008 10:05:19 PM

    @37 Ben... I'm intrigued that you "... can't recall once having an end user tell me how much they loved using it. In fact, the vast majority treat it like a burden they are required to bear."

    Perhaps the issue is the workman and not the tools? Being a good code jockey doesn't make you an expert at creating a UI. Perhaps the same comment could be made about a lot of us (including me).

  1. 44  David DeWell http://workdomosphere.blogspot.com | 1/25/2008 9:42:32 PM

    @40 - I agree. I wish I had known about this while it was going on. Of course, that might have made his post at the time a bit more relevant but now.. now... I have no problem beating on him a bit.

    @All - Quite honestly, his post is obviously showing his lack of intelligence. If he has to go on personal attacks and call people names, he honestly should not be a senior editor of a business magazine. I think Larry Flynt has better manners than Lyons.

    I am just glad I did not renew my subscription to Forbes this year. Luckily, the magazines make great fire starters.

  1. 45  Dave Madison  | 1/26/2008 12:51:14 AM

    @44 Er...um...you do understand FSJ parody,right? It would be like Bill Clinton getting upset and responding to something The Onion wrote. It really shows how insecure and thin skinned the Notes disciples are. Now, if and when Dan Lyons writes something in Forbes about Notes (which, for some reason , he hasn't found a compelling reason to do so in 10 years) then the criticism and defensiveness would be warrented

  1. 46  Ian Scott  | 1/26/2008 12:33:11 PM

    @45 - Bill Clinton was an elected politician. He sought public office and knew full well in advance of that pursuit what he could potentially be the target of. Ed is an employee of IBM. There's a world of difference.

    Satire or parody is part and parcel of political life. Typically, when business people or even private citizens are parodied or satired there has previously been some form of indiscetion, criminality or disgrace or they are a high profile major shareholder. That is clearly not the case here.

    If such things are now to be a part of corporate or private life without such prior indiscretion etc. we will all be losers.

    I don't think Notes advocates are thin skinned in general and in fact these days we are confident, know we are on the offense and can absorb the occassional hit but I do think we favour fairness, balance, accuracy, precision and seek to avoid low standards of conduct. We also avoid FUD.

    In this case the FSJ piece was levelled at an employee of IBM during a conference attended by thousands of people. That's pretty low and was entirely intentional on the part of FSJ. I think Ed had to acknowledge the piece and that the rest of us have chimed in so as Ed needn't sully his hands.

    Lotus Notes and Domino is ascendant and you have a problem with that which you can't hide.

  1. 47  Dave Madison  | 1/28/2008 12:01:32 AM

    @46 When you blog publicly you become somewhat of a public figure.Thus you are at the mercy of criticism and parody. Comes with the territory. If Brill didn't want it words consumed by all, he should make his blog private. Until then, he's open to any and all criticism and parody.

    "Lotus Notes and Domino is ascendant and you have a problem with that which you can't hide."

    Not sure how that is possible,since I don't use the product, not being forced to use it. I have no financial or personal investment in the success or failure of Notes at this point.

  1. 48  Ian Scott  | 1/28/2008 3:36:08 AM

    @47 - Then we all become losers. The FSJ language was unacceptable.

    So you have no vested interest in competing products?

  1. 49  Ed Brill http://www.edbrill.com | 1/28/2008 8:17:14 AM

    Dave, you must be so happy to be back at Microsoft.

  1. 50  Wes Morgan  | 1/29/2008 2:08:24 PM

    The thing is that, even if one were to agree with FSJ's general opinion, there's simply no reason for a blogger/journalist/new-media-person/whatever to resort to foul language and transparent _ad hominem_ attacks. Such tactics do nothing but squander whatever significance might be attached to one's commentary.

  1. 51  Richard Schwartz http://www.rhs.com/poweroftheschwartz | 2/1/2008 6:32:54 PM

    @45 re "if and when Dan Lyons writes something in Forbes about Notes (which, for some reason , he hasn't found a compelling reason to do so in 10 years) then..."

    Wrong. He last (as far as I know) found compelling reason to write (if you can call his drivel "writing") about it on 23 August 2005, under the title "More Bad News For Lotus Notes".

  1. 52  Richard Schwartz http://www.rhs.com/poweroftheschwartz | 2/1/2008 6:34:51 PM

    @45 And oh, I almost forgot... that was just a few months after his piece titled "IBM in Denial Over Lotus Notes".